I always thought marriage was like crossing a finish line of sorts. You meet someone you care enough about to share your bananas with, as Anne Lamott would say, so you can now relax and write that great American novel.
What brought this on?
I worked with a woman the other day who told me that her husband’s snoring was ‘doing her in.’ It wasn’t just a casual remark either; you could have cut the contempt with a large cleaver. I, Miss Fix-it, suggested a rain machine from Bed Bath & Beyond for the affordable price of 18.99, if you don’t get the one with the clock that is…then it’s more, and she said, “A rain machine…are you kidding? The rain forest wouldn’t drown him out.”
I’d like to introduce you to ‘connubial bliss.’
I hear these complaints often. Wives loathe their husbands, husbands want to kill their wives. I usually stand there playing Parson Bianchi saying things like, she’s only human after all…you adored him once, remember?
Maybe I’m being too Pollyannaish but that’s part of my charm…my naivete and acute denial.
I understand that things change over the years but isn’t there peace in that familiarity? I know so few people who have this, but there is one couple, my friends Ed and Evelyn who just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. They share that peace…I’ve seen it first hand how they worry about each other…still laugh together all the time, and by the way, Ed snores. That doesn’t mean Ev wants to chop him up and throw him into her marinara sauce. At least she’s never said so. I can’t tell you how much I envy them because they have one another for better or worse.
But wasn’t that the deal?
I know, if a man or woman cheats that’s a good reason to bail. Domestic violence is another, and I’ll throw in clutter of the Collier Brothers variety as well. But other than that, do you really leave a guy for sawing a little wood? The lady I spoke about could sleep in another room or get ear plugs or drink before she goes to bed.
What’s my point?
Love, even if it’s a little careworn, notice the word care, is worth spending 18.99 on with or without the clock.
SB
